Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
