whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize