If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
