I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
