he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
