Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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