did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
