That's intense
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
