just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
soo... how was my night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize