did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
