He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
