textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
