we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
