I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
