The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize