It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drunk is not a location!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
