too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
