Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Say something about gay babies.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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