Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
