the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
