Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
