I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
