I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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