Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
