"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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