i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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