The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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