dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Will exercising make me less horny?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
