I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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