i just wanna soil my oats bro
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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