His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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