You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
