DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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