do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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