You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
