i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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