I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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