My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
