dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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