so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
