Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Randomize
