I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
