I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
