I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
