Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Please, let me fuck your mom
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
