when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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