Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
