4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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