Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
