i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
