You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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