I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
