Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
