I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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