Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
