I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
