so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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