It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also, beer. Big fan.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
