not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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