theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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