I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
