you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
