i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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