Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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