Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
