She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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