Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
