I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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