I wish i was in the wii world.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
