Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
