On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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