Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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