I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
