how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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