I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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