Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
