i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
