y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize