the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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