I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
