Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
