I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
