the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
