after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
