he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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