Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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