im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
