Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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