Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
