You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
