I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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