he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
