I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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