Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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