I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I love you.
Bad choice
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
