I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
