I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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