He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
