so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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