Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize