Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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