I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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