It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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